Saturday. 5.27.17 1:00 am
I didn't think it would hit me this hard.. I suppose that's what happens when you start seeing someone you actually like as a person, knowing that it won't last long and then it lasted even shorter than expected.
We met at Church.. Like literally, he said to meet him in front of a church. Love his sense of humour already.
Things were going really, really slow and so I thought "okay, friends"... though I got a kiss on the cheek on the 2nd date. Honestly, I don't know how dates goes anyway because it is different with different people. Kisses on the cheeks are friendly after all. Then I got locked out of my flat that Saturday that I went hiking with him... and because all my friends and flatmate are not in the city that weekend, I stayed over at his. That was when I realised that he actually wanted more to this - he held my hand... like finally on the 3rd date.
Nothing happened.. cuddles and pillow talk and we agree that whatever this is, it is comfortable. He thinks that he is infatuated with me and I'm fine with it because Mr Right Now is meant to anchor me through my extended limbo and I'm getting tired of doing it on my own. I just wanted cuddles and hugs and someone to keep me sane when I'm quite on the verge of going crazy.
The next time we met, he explained that he just got out of a relationship so we will have to take this really slow and this isn't anything serious, which I am absolutely fine with. He had a panic attack the next morning and thought that we should stop seeing each other. He apologised later and said that we'll meet and talk the day after that.
The day after that... he was all sweet and apologetic about his panic attack and said that he'll be there through the storm.
He decided that he can't see me anymore a few days after on the account that "I wanted more". Yes, I don't speak much or ask much about us, I don't really know what to say or how to bring it up without making things awkward. I don't want more - I just want something stable in this chaos. He said that he is a dick and that he is definitely infatuated with me and that he is sorry that he hurt me.
Funnily enough, it does hurt. I like him as a person and I'm quite sure that's why. On top of that, it is rather difficult to find someone whom I am comfortable with.
I've been out on dates since then and yet I am finding myself missing his presence. I wish I didn't have to have to find another Mr Right Now because soon, there is no need for one anymore.
Sounds like he flip flopped on you a lot. :T It's so emotionally chaotic when someone is indecisive about you... » randomjunk
on 2017-05-27 03:15:12
let's have a cup of hot choc first when you come back here. » renaye
on 2017-05-27 08:21:45
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